You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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