Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
