why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
