I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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