I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
