**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
