I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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