Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
