Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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