I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
