People in love make me want to vomit
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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