the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
