awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
