My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
