my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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