it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
