i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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