You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
