the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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