I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
