Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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