Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
