Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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