I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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