Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
