maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
