So drunk, too bad you don't want this
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
