I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I smell like Dick and happiness
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