I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
