party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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