I hate all girls vehemently.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
