Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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