I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
