Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
