how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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