So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
