Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
