remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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