Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
