we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
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I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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