I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
