Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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