who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
