i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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