Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
