JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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