shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
