YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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