Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
