Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
