the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
