I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
