Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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