can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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