I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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