his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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