he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
