I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Let's paint friendship bongs
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
