my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She bit a glass in half.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
