I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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