Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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