I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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