I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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