I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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