what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i love accidental penises.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
