I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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