I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Randomize
