My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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