I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
