I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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