Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
