Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
