I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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