I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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